Yearbooks, those things we'll probably take out in 5 - 10 years to remember the "good times" and such about that certain year in high school. The clubs we joined, the teams we represented, that awful haircut we had, and the nice and sincere messages of friends on the inner covers.
Ever since the 1st time I received a yearbook, I've had mixed feelings about it. I found it nice to have something we could sum the year with, and just remember everything. But on the other hand, It was just another accidental way of showing me how many friends I didn't have.
I would see everyone giving their friends long, unique messages with inside jokes or special messages, and then return them to each other mutually laughing at each other's letter. They would take 15 mins just to read everyone's posts and then "aawwww" and "ouuuu" at everything. Then I would look down. In my book, it took less than 5 seconds to read. It wasn't as if there wasn't anything there, but it was all the same or similarly paraphrased.
"HI JEFF. HAVE A NICE SUMMER. FROM xxxx"
Of course, this is a good message to have. But honestly, I would have to ask to sign their yearbooks before they were socially obliged to sign mine. I would write all unique messages for them from what I remembered every year only to look back to the bland message I would have inside mine.
In my blog, I always go on and on about how I don't/didn't have friends. The little motivation I had to making friends was generally to be the best person I could be for others and put them before myself. I've tried to do this countless times and it just seems like no one likes that kind of person. Or maybe they just don't like me. I spent my life with different "circles" of friends only to find out months later that they are either giving me subtle hints that they didn't want me there or I would just notice when I would have to ask permission to "hang out" with them. I honestly got tired of this. I didn't know what to do anymore.
But that's already another story. So.. It's just a yearbook right? I look back at my old yearbooks, and they're pretty empty, and bland. I'm getting my yearbook in about a week, to be 100% truthful, i'm scared of being in that situation again. I've gained the love of a few people this year, but they're far away... and I'll probably feel as alone as I was back then, sitting in a full hallway of people but feeling as empty and lonely as ever.
This is my blog. Hf.