Last night still makes me sad. Just thinking about everything that happened, everything that went down makes me think a bit too much than I should. I was thinking about how you were back then. Partying here, and there. In my mind, i'm really confused about how I feel about this. Do I feel like that's you.. and I'm not into that? Or am I jealous that you got to to that but I didn't? The drunk girlfriend I saw yesterday didn't feel like the girl I liked. The look you gave me, you WANTED to kiss those girls you wanted to drink more... It devastated me. I wanted to storm away and just drink until I forgot about it. I just couldn't believe that you would of even wanted to do something like that. I felt so... tricked, by myself... I didn't know how to feel at all. You've done it before, and you wanted to, if I stopped you, I'd be limiting what you want to do, and a good boyfriend doesn't do that. If I didn't, i would hurt. My stupid idiotic problems. It hurts me alot.

Maybe i'm just a bit old fashioned, but I'd like to think... even a kiss is special. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't kiss anyone else.

Sometimes I don't think straight and end up thinking about our pasts. How we both had different pasts and came from two different places. I would become so fucking ignorant about this that I feel like maybe in order to "match" with you, I would have to endure the things you did, or do the things that you did. Or I would feel guilty that I grew up with all these things that you didn't have... I would even get stupid enough... to tell myself that I would have to harm myself in the ways you did just to understand you and just to "fit in" with you. But I know, that isn't right, nor is it logical.

I understand your situation though. I can imagine how tough it is growing up the way you did, if the situation were to happen to me, i'm sure i'd have the same reaction. I understand you want to change. And that you hate how you were before too. And you're probably thinking, if I could write all this, why am I still here?

Its because I fell utterly and completely in love with you. I have been for a long while now. Its not easy to fall for someone when you're someone like me but I did. And I fell pretty hard.

I know you're trying hard to stray away from the person you used to be. I know that you don't want to be that girl anymore and you're trying. That's all that matters. You know why? If you're trying, i'll be there. I'll always be there for everything. I know it'll be really hard. But that's why i'm here. I'm glad you changing for yourself, and i'm happy to help.

In the future, no matter what we turn out to be, I still want to know that i helped you. I won't ever leave you alone unless you want that. I'll always be here for you, for better or for worse. I love you.